2024-11-03
(This is entry 28 of #100DaysToOffload)
It seems that a very important concept in the managing of any state, whether it is an allotment, a relationship, a mere conversation, the development of a skill, or whatever else, is attention. Attention, it is often said, is the modern currency, and is what every company vies for nowadays. It is not strictly about money or anything else: Facebook (formerly Meta), X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, Amazon, Youtube, Pornhub, whatever else, all just want the attention, just to serve advertisements. Yet, the importance of attention goes far beyond this...
If I tend the allotment, I might spot an interesting poppy that has sprung up by itself in a flower bed; if I hoe down the bed without paying attention, I will tear it apart and lose the seed. If I go slowly, pay attention, I will notice the plant and be able to preserve it. In fact, this has happened several times to me this year: I have noticed a poppy, and some kind of I assume helenium have sprung up on their own accord in my beds.
In a relationship, I suppose I want to find a way to synthesise all the thoughts I have about what values are necessary for a loving relationship to thrive... At the base of it all, though, surely, is attention. To one's partner, their idiosyncrasies, their mood, their weaknesses, their pleasures...
And for each of these, there is a parallel in observation of oneself to improve...
A conversation requires attention to the words of the other person, their facial expressions, their mannerisms, ... In fact, even for people who are socially awkward, there is still an attention being paid: except instead of to the other person, it is spent on one's own mannerisms, the words to choose, the identity to construct...
To a develop a skill, dedicated time is required. You can't just strum a guitar haphazardly for a few months and get good: you need to sit down, and give the instrument your full attention, for years and years...
We have a choice, not just every day, but in every action we take: where to we place our attention? On fools on TikTok or Twitter? On ourselves? On our indignation? On our right? On our failures? Or, should it be focussed elsewhere?
Focus on what you want to improve.