2025-01-04
tags: none
Words: 659 (2 minutes to read)
(This is entry 60 of #100DaysToOffload)
It's now the 4th - a mere four days into the new year, or 1.1% complete (which sounds like it's gone quicker). I am taking it day by day, and trying to do as much as I can in each day: essentially, I want to assume a diligent position, where I do what needs to be done quickly and without delay, and make good progress on all my goals, whilst lowering the burden of things that are on my mind, and which I think oh, I still need to do X. So far, it's sort of working, but I wonder how it will go as time progresses. Things tend naturally to slip into a bit of a disarray. Still, I am enjoying the sort of slower pace of things at the moment, and think I am sort of doing well on what I need to do.
The Hobonichi is quite pleasant to write in, and the section where I write down what I did at each point in the day is useful. Not sure if I'll keep it up for every single day, but I could well. Diligence is really what I desire at this point, slow and methodical. In contrast, though I don't think my life was quick by any means, certainly days did go by at a haring pace, and I always felt as if I was behind. I still do: for instance, I have a quite large amount of work to do for employment-work next week, and am not sure how easy it will be to fit it all into the period of time that I have next week. Still, I just have to do the best I can.
(Work generally, as an aside, feels sort of scatty, or ADHD-inducing. It sort of involves a lot of trying to start one thing, and then getting sidetracked by another, and then someone comes and says can you do this for me, and then my boss calls me and says y needs to be done urgently, and then I get chased for the original thing that I now haven't been able to do because of the other things, and then... [bracket kept intentionally open]
It's stressful, in other words. My personal life, and my weekend, in contrast, are more relaxing, and still just as productive provided I actually do the things that I need to do.)
The thought of taking things one day at a time is slightly unpleasant. It makes the days slow, and I have to exert so much effort to get each day to be filled in a way that can satisfy me. At the end of it, I think I'll be happier for it, but it really does make the days drag. Surely that's a good thing? I shouldn't wish away my days, limited as they are. I suppose I almost wish that things could tide quicker, but then of course I don't actually want that, and I'd complain if they did.
Still, each day having gradual progress is nice. Really nice. I think I will be pleased to look back on what I've accomplished this month, even though most of it is immaterial. I think it's the attitude that I'll be pleased to have cultivated.
I wonder what helps it to go slow? The reading before bedtime? The lack of phone use? The reviewing of each day in the Hobonichi? The additional journalling (though I've been doing that for years)? The fact that I am playing more guitar, and almost sort of improving little by little (even though I haven't noticed any improvement)? I don't know, but life is sort of alright at the moment. Even if I feel often tired and lethargic (maybe vitamin D deficiency, not sure); even if I loathe the fact that every day is the same: every day is a very slight improvement on the last.
Isn't that odd? I loathe the very thing I desire. Still, I know that it's good to take each day as it comes. If each day is precious, how fantastic might the sum of the days be!