50 in 50: What are my feelings about alcohol?

I don't drink a great deal of alcohol nowadays. When I did drink regularly (only socially), I would cease to drink for a little while on a regular basis, to make sure that I wasn't depending on it to socialise well. I never was too much, but definitely I have had weaker moments where I don't drink and I can't socialise very well.

The main benefit socially from alcohol is disinhibition, and my desire is to be able to disinhibit fully, and consistently, when sober, as if I were on alcohol. I can't do yet.

So that's that. I've never really had a problem with alcohol in this way, and keep it in check quite well. In fact, I regularly go months at a time without drinking at all and without planning to, simply because I don't have the desire to drink. I don't have alcohol about me much and tend to just drink water when I am out and about. (I try to, albeit inconsistently, apply Percy Bysshe Shelley's teaching about only drinking water)

In terms of the actual drinks that I will drink, I mainly drink cider nowadays. I'll drink just about any cider, but am a fan of Old Mout (though, I can have too much of this), and particularly Rattler (from Healey's farm, in Cornwall). Thatchers is also quite good, and I've had a couple of the blood orange flavour in recent days that is very nice.

Before I drank cider, I would drink nothing but vodka. I never cared enough for the particularly type of vodka, though I could very clearly tell the difference between nice vodkas that one can buy at the shops, and the paint stripper that is often sold in bars. I'd have it with either coke, or preferably, a fruit juice like apple or cranberry (not orange, though).

I want to like wine, because I want to be able to go to an enoteca and try different flavours. The problem is, I find the stuff repulsive. I can just about stomach a few sips of red, but white is horrendous. I want to try to acclimatise myself to it this year, but it's difficult to find the time when I actually want to drink, and it won't be often enough to acclimatise myself to it.

I also want to like limoncello. The problem I find is that it's far too strong for me; I am not a seasoned drinker, and so I can't really handle things that strong. Hey ho.

(As an anecdote, I once bought a bottle of limoncello to drink of an evening. I ended up having only one shot, and pouring half the rest of the bottle over my laptop; the keys were sticky still years after.)

I do also like kahlua, sambuca, and tried banana rum once on a night out that was lovely. I had a great night in at one point drinking Aldi's cider, as well as shots of kahlua and sambuca, and reading Matthew Lewis' The Monk.

Generally, though, I'm not much of a drinker. I had a brief reprieve drinking fairly heavily as a late teen, and getting so drunk at parties I'd fetch up, but those days are (mostly) behind me.