Reconsidering life

I've come back from the temple today.

I feel a little bit like I want to consider the experiential factor. I have of course heard you can't take it with when you die saying, but have never really... truly considered it. I wrote recently about my relationship to money, and that I see it as something vicious, but that must nonetheless be engaged in. The temple gives me somewhat of a different experience than that. There are so many people there who have decided they will follow the temple, and will give themselves up to the temple voluntarily, without ownership and responsibility, but with all provisions of life catered for.

They have already got everything I don't have. They have freedom not to be too tightly bound to a specific way of life. They have fruitive work. They have appreciation in all the small things. For instance, one man on the challenge grew quite depressed, as his favourite pair of socks (that he was gifted from somebody) had holes in them (large enough they could not be darned). Though of course a material attachment, that kind of appreciation for an object is ... amazing.

This life doesn't do me any good. I am so bound up in it all.

I am taking away from this monk challenge (I will write up full weeknotes etc sometime - I'm a week behind anyhow) that I really need to consider having less. I think maybe even the job is non-essential. It does cause me much stress. Imagine a life where I am only employed in the good pursuits. Of course, the major difference is that I don't gain money when I am volunteering. Most expenses will of course be paid, but there will still always be some that I must pay, and those will gradually whittle my money down. Yet, would I rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?

Money is the major binding factor for me. I need to consider what life would be like without caring so much on it. Maybe I could find a way for it not to be damaging to my finances. Or maybe, I just stop caring.

I'd like to be a farm hand. Why not be? I'd like to dedicate myself to learning philosophy. Why not?