2024-04-21
I am now, this year, attempting to do quite a lot in terms of work. I of course have my job which is a typical nine-to-five plus an hour-and-a-half commute either side. On Mondays and Fridays I work from home which avoids the commute. I am trying to juggle several things at the moment and, in my inexperience at attempting to do so much (my life up until this point has been one with little in the way of accomplishments), I am struggling with various issues.
For what it's worth, let me go over what I am trying to accomplish this year.
Firstly is the removal of bad habits. I would like to sleep consistently, eat well, and generally avoid all other "bad" behaviours that I normally engage in.
Additionally, I have many jobs to do. I am studying LM1 (and will study LM2 once this is complete) for work. I am also studying my RHS course. I am working continually on the allotment and gardening more generally, and desire to have a good display and harvest this year. I wish to read more: I read currently one book of Plato per month, in addition to my usual reading which I want to further. I also want to dedicate time to complete projects, ideally work on code a little (I code very little nowadays), and am trying to go to the gym several times a week. This is altogether making it very difficult for me to find time, and I am finding that it is going to be important for me to schedule.
The problem is: I mess up.
The whole thing is new to me. Take for instance, good sleep. The idea is that I can consistently go to bed at between nine and ten, and then can wake up at a consistent time also (I am slowly moving to waking up at five in the morning). Yet: I don't really manage it, not always anyways. Often it's my own fault, but also sometimes I just don't get to sleep because my body does not want me to for some reason, and it almost ruins the system.
Of course, I end up recovering, but it then means I may lose out. For instance, if I wake up exceedingly tired, and then I end up napping during the day, or so tired in the morning I struggle to go to the gym altogether. I'm wondering: what do I do if real life conflicts with the schedule?
Say I want to go to the gym three times a week. If something happens and I don't go, I end up just going for two days in the week. I wonder whether I should then try to pick up and do four the next week, or whether to continue to just do three.
The argument for four is that, firstly, I'll be doing the same amount at the end of the fortnight, and so I'm doing what I need to do. I'm not doing less work, and in retrospect, I can look back and say, I averaged three per week. That will give me a long term satisfaction, I imagine. On the other hand, I perhaps ought not to carry mistakes or sins from my past into the present. I ought say, I will do three in a week, as that is what I have told myself to do. In a way, this is separating myself from my past, and meaning I do not have to carry over blame for a mistake I made last week. Yet of course, I then make less progress over time.
I'm not sure which is best. I have decided that I will always have a rest day after each day at the gym, which I'm not sure is a good idea ultimately. It means that I am struggling to fit three in as I have a schedule of gym-rest-gym-rest, and if I miss one day I have to adapt the entire future schedule. If I had other things planned, then I lose that due to my mistake of the past.
I think perhaps it would be best to work with the idea: exceed expectations in the present. However, I will not carry over sins of the past. Any mistakes I made will not have to haunt me still. Yet in each present moment, I must exceed my expectations, so that overall, I do not end up discontent with my progress.
The ultimate idea is the idea of an act. I need to value the act. The act is a thing which can only occur in the immediate moment. If I act poorly in the immediate moment, then I suffer in the future. And so, I must act in the present to try get a good future. Perhaps the problem with carrying over sins is that it just acts to the detriment of the present moment. If it doesn't spur me to action, then it just makes me feel bad. This then detriments the act of the present moment: I feel poor, so I don't act well.
The idea of an act, the present moment is a hard one to grasp. Fundamentally, little else matters I guess except for the present moment, the present act. Schedules help, I guess. Yet, at the end of the day, even if I don't manage to complete everything I want, as long as I continually progress I do make progress. Even if I do mess up, say, and do not sleep well one night, it is like the muscle pain after the gym. If one of my goals is to maintain good sleep, and I do this almost every day, then I am building up a new habit. And yet, if I wake up one of these days earlier than expected and I'm very tired, or I don't manage to sleep because my body doesn't want it, or even if it's entirely my fault and I just slept too late... It's growing pains. For instance, when you first transplant a plant (god, I do too much gardening at the moment) it initially quite often looks like it's about to die. But then it picks up strength later. Likewise, in trying to build good sleep, or good habit generally, there will of course be days where I don't manage it, or where the schedule or the habit slips up. Yet, if I resume the next day, the next present moment, the next act... that is where things will begin to come along.
I haven't written one of these in a while. I guess I only write when I have ideas. Not a terrible thing.
Have a good one.