2024-05-27
Regarding children, it is evident that there are good and poor ways of handling them. Those ways which produce healthy adults are good; those ways which produce unhealthy adults are poor. Then, we must characterise health in an adult.
An adult is healthy if he is of sound physical health, and not overly mentally burdened by any matter. However, since virtue is characterised by a willingness to endure hardship for an ideal, instilment of said nature into the child ought yield healthy results.
If to parent is a selfless act, those behaviours which exist for the pleasure of the parent yet detriment the child are undesirable.
The most obviously poor method of parenting is an appeasement of parental sin or facilitation of parental pleasure at the expense of the child. This would be physical or sexual abuse in the first order: the detriment to the child is obvious, and all good nations act to eliminate this type of parent. In the second order is psychic abuse, notable in the case of parents who argue, or are dissatisfied and stay together only for the child, or the restriction of the free action of the child for the appeasement of the parent. This form of abuse is occasionally made illegal, depending on extent.
Neglect exists further as traditionally known form of abuse. Degrees of course exist. Coddling exists also, itself with degrees.
Now, I would like to detour slightly and bring up actions taken by modern (I feel, often urban 'citydwellers') of I believe dubious nature.
Firstly, those actions partaken in by adults also that cause harm for the child. For instance, television, and nowadays particularly short-form content are certainly harmful to the child. Really, I am not so sure whether they are actively malignant, as for instance UPF I will discuss later, or if it is bad simply for its absence of virtue. I did watch some TV as a child, and certainly found aspects captivating. I would go close to the CRT to see it in detail (never more than 480p)... for a child nowadays with 4k OLED panels, the nature of the risk is worse, due to its vibrancy and extent... children nowadays certainly exhibit more addictive behaviour with TVs. To not curtail their frequency would certainly be poor parenting...
UPF demonstrates an issue well. If, in isolation, considering whether the feeding of a child UPF is abusive, one might ask the harm. To answer, is that harm is evident in the severe stunting of growth (physically and intellectually) of the child, the effects of the induced psychiatric disorders, cardiovascular an metabolic complications, etc. Clearly it is not good for the health of the child. Yet: since children nowadays consume UPF, it is socially the norm. I as a child had for packed lunch fruit winders, crisps, and the like. I am short (5ft 6~7) and do wonder whether this was not at least partly due to childhood diet. It could be said, if it were socially acceptable to physically abuse your child, would you? But, one could argue it might not be so terrible: the odd dessert is not a problem. The issue appears to be degree, and frequency.
Another action of modern parents I cannot stand personally is the incessant taking of photos. I just cannot understand it. I saw a woman with her child in a buggy; she stopped and went round to her child, as if to check on its wellness. However, all she did was take out her phone, take a photo and return to the other side. Not a shred of other interaction with her child. I thought, if you want to look at your child (which as a parent is a perfectly good thing to do) , it's right there!.
Whenever a child is taken out on nigh any activity, photos must be taken. Now, I am not against all photographising of children: it is nice to have something to look back on. But a photo for every occasion is far from necessary. Children oblige with the smiles as they are beholden to the whims of adults, yet I imagine it can't be good for them...
Degree. The whole thing is degree. TV is not good but the harms are not altogether grievous in moderation. Likewise, UPF. If the parent is out of alignment, then actions regarding the child with be performed with the improper degree.
A major issue I guess is also an excess of control. This manifests itself as the attempted production of subordination within the child. It often succeeds, given the natural weakness of the child that cannot resist the force of an adult. Rather than state intentions overtly (and I do not particularly believe this action is overtly known or cynically intentional, rather, that it is impulsive and necessary to appease a vice), terminology such as a good child, well-behaved, naughty, is employed; alternatively age itself is used pejoratively to denote such a state: it's still young, etc. The purpose is the avoidance of stress or worry that comes from any degree of uncertainty (i.e. appeasement of the adult). Actions of the child are constrained when particularly young so as to yield a domesticated child; by late childhood, a good specimen will be particularly inert. Of course, it seems to an extent to be the same issues reflecting themselves in this handling of the child. For instance, a parent in a city without community might fear neighbours, or the elusive class of strangers (whose number oddly diminishes the more you attempt to ascertain their nature) and reflect this nature by abusing their child in this controlling way. Of course, strangers will in actuality do no harm (largely as they don't exist outside of the imagination) and the most likely person to harm a child is the parent. Yet it needn't be rational. Parents hereby propagate defects or mental maladies onto their children, or appease their vices by means of and to the detriment of their children.
So, then, if I were a parent, what ought I do so as to benefit my child? Often, these harms come about due to the lack of knowledge, or the undervaluing of severity, of a particular act by the parent. As such, I must realise that there are notions about which I too am unknowledgeable. If I act out of unknowledge, I negligently bring harm to my child. Ideally, I can identify those most serious matters, so that I can act mostly properly, and damage will be minimal.
A child and an adult are not so unalike, in as much as what is damaging for an adult likely is also damaging for a child and vice versa. As such, I could learn about what is good for myself and provide a similar environment for my child. Important though, I cannot act in a way that is harmful to my child to appease my deficiencies.
For those aspects I notice, I must act so as not to repeat those. Partly, I can alleviate problems in parenting by resolving my own issues. For instance, if excess photographising is an issue, I can resolve this by not being addicted to my phone (or eschewing it altogether).
Generally, I think this is it. A good parent gives a good child. I ought know what is good and bad, only allow limited access to that which is bad. Further still, there are likely ways to push the child in a good direction without being obvious about it and potentially causing rebellion. For instance, I could try satisfying the need/want for sweets with fruit (though subtly). I've a long way to go before I'm a parent, but I do want a family, and it would be good to be prepared. Anything I can learn can generally be applied back to myself as well.
Well, that's all. I've written this on paper first of all, so I'm not sure if I've hit 1000 words. I've not done a wv for awhile as I've been working on olea, a project whereby I research the literature on aspects of health, firstly focussing on oils and fats (hence the name) but which will likely expand to sugar, UPF, etc. to find the ideal diet for me (taking into account what I enjoy, too). I can expand it further in terms of any number of other things too: exercise, ... I hope to write up my thoughts, and so am going to count it as a part of wv. Hence the lack of entries for a while. I am not being lazy though, and am now beginning to have more output. Of course, there is also a lot of input. I'm beginning to be closer to where I want to be: more productive. I'm also learning a lot about what is good and bad, and am in a way more introspective. I am also acquiring better habits from knowing where bad habits emerge. Yet, I've fat to go. I'll keep on trying.
Ok, well, that was that. I'll keep studying olea, and write wv if I find time. Have a good one.