2024-08-16
I'm going to quickly eat some bread pudding, then will time myself to writing a thousand words, and try to do it in less than a half hour. I want to write about moral imperatives, motorcycles and petrol, plastic, and just darn experiencing life.
Ok, the bread pudding is eaten. I've got a timer going so I can see how quickly it takes me write 1000 words - I believe it always takes me around an hour, but it might take less time since I'm arguably sort of speedrunning it this time. I hope I don't give myself hand pain.
So, morals. The reason why I want to write about this is, I had a conversation with the neighbour of a family member who rides motorbikes. I mentioned I did sort of want to get my CBT and start riding a bike, and I really do like motorbikes if I'm honest. I want to ride one. There is a slight lack of confidence surrounding them, that I worry I will not be a good rider (like I'm bad at riding a pushbike) or that it will be annoying to be stuck in traffic all the time (though, on a pushbike if on the pavement you have to deal with waiting sometimes 2+ minutes to actually be able to cross, UK car-first infrastructure and all that). But, there is another reason, which is that I don't want to be supporting environmental degradation by buying a lot of petrol, requiring the horrific damage done to the planet by the various petrol companies, and meaning I have to support Shell or Texaco financially, etc. I really don't like that idea.
It is a similar reason why I don't like to ride on planes. I used to, as a child, when I was taken by my parents on holiday, go on the plane to various places in Europe: France or Greece or Germany or wherever. But as an adult I have never flown. The reason is, I do not want to be supporting the harm to the environment caused by aviation. Riding a bike has a very good track record for the planet; trains are not amazing, as there is still damage done in terms of the 60% of our electricity that is non-renewable, but cars and planes are particularly damaging. Do I want to support that?
Now, I can I suppose justify it by saying that the most environmentally damaging thing I do, and very often, is ride the train. It requires a huge amount of fossil fuels, and I pay to support that. Then, I act all high and mighty that I don't drive, or fly, even though I do still do damage with my modes of transport. Even the bus, which I think of as a good means of travel, is actually quite harmful, and I think only undercuts a car in terms of emissions per person if there are at least seven people on the bus (not always guaranteed).
(7:41 in)
So, perhaps it's not so bad. The fossils are still being burnt, even if I don't have to directly go to the pump to do them. Same with a flight - the train is far less harmful than a flight it's true, ... actually I can't justify flights, I don't think.
The problem is: this is all caused by my overthinking. I want to be good in terms of my environmental cost, even knowing that others aren't. Christ, we had a work do the other day, and listening to the CEO I heard constantly "I got this flight to here, yesterday flew from here to there then there to yonder, and back today, then I leave for there again tomorrow" and think, really my let's say two flights a year are paltry in comparison to something like this. Then again, those people are few and far between, whereas middle-class cityites like myself are ten a penny (with inflation, ten a pound). So really, I should potentially just stop worrying about it and just enjoy life, no?
It also is difficult when having conversations with people who have gone all over - clearly, they do not have the moral reservations I do, which is good - and I feel a bit strange to say I've only really travelled around Britain a bit. Now, I do want to prefer travelling around Britain, as it is a nice place, but I really ought go to foreign countries as well, or at least not be as shy about taking flights. I don't know why flights are so cheap compared to rail - I assume it is government subsidised, or that money is made from other enterprises (e.g. deals with card providers), yet nonetheless it doesn't mean I should avoid it. As such, I think for a little while I might try to change my habits to become more open to flights, and means of travel on the road. A motorbike is far more environmental than a car, anyways, at least a moped is.
So, that is all really. I have more or less worked something out in my head, it now being 14:44 in. I've written a good 800 or so words, which isn't bad. I could probably schedule a 30 minute block in to write, and try to get it sorted in a half hour. I recall Protesilaos mentioning a term for how he works, where he prefers to get something done in one sitting, as opposed to nursing it over many different sittings. That would be good for me too I suppose. I am surprised how quickly I was able to write this.
So, I'll still try to act well, and avoid plastic if I can (plastic-luwe, I need to remember, not plastic-vrei or however the Dutch spell "free"), and will not go on many flights. I just need to not have it ruled out as something I cannot do owing to its moral weakness. Yes, it's not good. But, anything I do in life is not good - living in the city, in the first world, is itself almost immoral, as I benefit off of the labour and struggles and slavery of others. Of course I shouldn't lean into it, and I try not to, but I can't beat myself up too much for the circumstance. Maybe I can move later in life, once I'm more financially stable, to a better place where I'm not causing as much harm just by living. I'm not sure where that would be though. Somewhere in Europe, probably. In the meantime, I think it wouldn't hurt me to get my CBT - in fact, it would probably help my character to learn something like that. Cool, all done then.
Have a good one. 19:13 all in all. Some 1100 words.