2024-09-05
Last night, I essentially wasted the night. Well, not entirely wasted, as I worked on my scripts for the website a bit, and sorted out some bugs, etc., but mostly wasted. This morning, I've done absolutely nothing, save for listen to a little music and make breakfast.
I wonder what wasted time is? I suppose I consider the time wasted as it is given to nothing in particular, where nothing is things like, lounging about, listening to music, etc. but where I want instead to do something clearly unpleasant and productive, like going to the gym. In fact, both last night and this morning I had intended to go to the gym, but put it off (I'll go tonight - actually, I promise!) thereby causing this kind of feeling of wasted time.
In reality, this relates to what I said before on the nature of vice as well in 0039, that optimal mood, and here wasted time, and what I call sin or vice, are all really manifestations of the same thing, namely the conflict of the desires of the lower urges and the higher reason. Strange how many things can be summarised in this way, and yet the exact relation of the LU and the HR is not fully expounded; I suppose still everyone understands what is meant by these terms though, as they appear common to all people...
That said, I've still not really worked out whether the LU or the HR are best to follow. It seems as if occasionally LU are better, for certain things, and HR is better for others. Certainly, I would benefit more from going to the gym (HR) than staying in bed listening to The Smiths' "I Know It's Over" on repeat (LU). Then again, appreciation of music can be a higher activity... Is anything pleasant to the senses a LU? Maybe not necessarily, but it seems LU tends towards valuing those things. I wonder if I should seek unpleasant situations, at least whilst I'm young, so as to experience better pleasure as an adult (not 23, that's not an adult... not like this)... right? But then, also, I should enjoy my youth? Am I looking at a false dichotomy here?
That said, there is a further distinction to be made between experiences initially unpleasant then turning towards pleasant, and those which go the other way. For instance, to rest in bed is pleasant, but soon becomes unpleasant as the thoughts of laziness and the boredom (or, languor of sorts) itself predominate; likewise, to go to the opera alone as I will in January has an initial unpleasantness about it, but may pleasant if I come to enjoy the opera, or if I engage in good conversation with the people there. The latter is better than the former.
(God, it sounds so posh of me to say I'm going to go to the opera! I'm not aristocracy, I promise! I just want to try it out a bit and see if it's any good.)
So, generally I have made a distinction between the origin of an action. I earlier specified that the *act* was the fundamental unit of ... something, but should elucidate this now. (I speak as if I'm the all-knowing narrator)
The *act* which I at some point set out as the main unit of action and declared somewhat to be a moral imperative, is then I suppose the act desired by the higher reason. For it is instinctive and natural to act according to the lower urges, which breeds vice, sin, wastage of time, etc. Yet, if I in the moment act according to the higher reason, if the higher reason is saying something better, then I will be in a better place. I think, in a cyclic kind of way, that is what I was getting at.
I'm not sure how I'm helped by all this. I feel it's almost worse than the natura saporifica problem. I'm just saying obvious things in a verbose way. It's not even good philosophy.
The fundamentals of it is, I need to try to pursue what my HR says over the LU. I think. Or at least, well, I know what I need to do, what does all this writing about it over and over help?
I've managed this year to grow some very small carrots. They're purple ones, F1 though, but they're really nice tasting. I need to next year get all my growing in order, and actually do a good job of it all, the allotment and the garden. It'll actually start this month, as I should pot up the orange and the cherry tree a little before the new season, and so they have a bigger pot and more nutrients/space to root. I'll also plant out the garlic in about October and sow onions this month in September to give them time before the new year to grow a little and overwinter. I reckon it'll be mild.
So much to do. I still don't know the best way to schedule my time, to get everything done I want to. Maybe just write it all out, somewhere, and tick it off bit by bit. I've enough notepads to do that.
Currently, I'm in my room on a Thursday, working. I've also been writing this wv in the time I've got free or between things or now during lunch, but really that is what I'm doing today. It feels very oppressive, and I'm not sure why.
The first reason could be the heat. Currently the thermometer is faced away from me; even that feels oppressive, that I must get up to move it now. It's 21 degrees. I've the two laptops before me: work and this personal laptop. I'm sitting on my bed, itself which feels... unpleasant. But there is nowhere better to sit in my room: my desk is full of things, and the seat is not as comfortable. See, I could fix all this easily.
And then I've a general weight on my mind, from the wasted time earlier. Even today at work has been fairly slow and wasted in a sense, I haven't done much. I'm not sure what to work on first. It's not like I don't have things I need to do. So let's go clear my desk, I suppose, and get a glass of water to stop possible dehydration too. Let's just fix things!
And now I've tidied up a bit, I've got my laptop on my desk, and a bit of water down me, and though I still don't feel incredible, I feel *better*.
Strange, how the small things count.
Well, such is life. I guess I have a decent power to fix things like that. It does have a surprising effect; I spoke the other day about the power of a shower, too. It feels wrong in a way to do these things during work hours, but if it is what I need it's what I need.
Ok. Have a good one.