2024-09-07
Being totally honest, I never really know whether this would could as the 7th, since it is really a continuation of that day, or the 8th, because...
I'm still awake at half four in the morning.
Bad, isn't it?
And honestly, I'm not really trying to sleep. I think the six hour nap during the day did something bad. And now I can't sleep - tomorrow, I'll really just have to sleep for a half hour (with alarm) during the day to tide myself over, and otherwise just try survive it as best as I can.
Last week. I should probably not neglect that I am at fault in this; I don't even remember if I have actually written about it in wv already. Let's grep...
I can't see it, so let's write.
There was a duty that I had to do quarterly. I did not end up doing it... it turns out, I began to do it back in February, and then did not finish it. I did it fully in May, but there were many issues with it that I did not query. I think I did it in June, and the problem was that we were audited for it. Now, as it turns out, the problems weren't so bad and we still passed the audit, but there was a lot of panic as I did not realise that many of the problems we had were actually duplicate, and so we thought for a while that it was bad enough we would just fail... When I was asked about how I didn't see them last time I did it, and when I did, I said I checked it Feb, which wasn't a lie but just my bad memory. Either way, there is a fault, a big one, my end, that I did not do it properly in good time.
Whilst my poor mood for the past mood is not exclusively due to that, I think that it is at least a good part of it. So, what I need to do, and I have been thinking without clarity on it, is I need to have a way to better manage my time and tasks at work to not have things that are lost. As in, for things like this that have to happen in this kind of regular time (say, each quarter, or each month) I need to actually... do them, and ensure they get done. That will involve a degree of task management, where I need to tell people, look, I've got X to do and so will not be able to do this for a few days. I think that is really the solution, and... I'm going to try do it for the next while. I did have a while earlier this year where I felt I was very productive, yet now I am feeling less productive, and more overwhelmed by all what is going on... I think the major thing is trying to find a way to manage my jobs, that I can get things done as needed, and continue with managing my e-mails, my tasks, etc. through whatever means.
It's unclear, I'm just getting it off my chest. I messed up. This isn't the first time I've been told off by my boss at this job. He is somewhat harsh, but good-natured in a way; I am at fault and I can see where he is coming from, he only expresses it in a harsh way. I suppose I do, even though it affects me more, prefer it than the kind of false-gentleness that is adopted by some others.
This is turning into a *I can't make up the words so I'll write about fifty different topics*. Sigh...
I really wonder if YT is a bad habit or not, or if there are actually things I can get from it.
(Of course, at the moment, I'm just listening to Pretty Girls Make Graves on... I am addicted to the Smiths, aren't I?)
I think it is a bad habit, but then again, it is likely not the end of the world. I do of course want to re-prioritise, and instead of focussing so much on YT, add to my life other better things, like more opportunities (or taking those that present themselves) to read, or do whatever else.
I want a motorbike. There are several things that stop me from getting one: the price is a big ask, firstly, but also the idea of the noise pollution, contribution to traffic, and contribution to air pollution all draw me away from the idea.
That said, it seems as though air pollution in terms of CO2e's is actually not that bad; a bike is between 15 - 50 and potentially higher depending on diet, health, etc., whereas a decent scooter will be around 50 - 75 CO2e per km. In this way, it seems like the major problem is the contribution to traffic and the air pollution. If I only use it for more rural journeys, maybe it's ok? And as for urban journeys, I find another way.
And getting several hundred km from a single tank makes me feel slightly less bad that I would be doing something heinous; I can always pay double to offset my carbon, e.g. donating to solar farms, like I did when I bought the flight this time. I think the carbon offsetting if it goes towards solar farms etc. would actually go some way to properly offsetting the emissions.
But of course, it doesn't really answer the problem of noise or air pollution within a city. And the pollution is caused by the other molecules, not just CO2. Hmm.
Then again, if I want to say, go on holidays in the UK, a motorbike would really help me: the infrastructure in this country is just so inadequate. Oh, I don't know. More thinking? I could think about things for years and never do them.
Half five now... Have a good one. I'll shut my eyes and see if sleep arrives.