2024-09-08
I notice that a lot of my output is rather effortless, by which I mean, it does require energy, but not effort. For instance, I am writing this entry, which is a fairly simple thing to do. If I wanted to add a photo, for instance, I would have to grab the camera, take a nice photo, transfer it over to the laptop, process it for the website, and then I can add in the image tag (which will need something adding to jezup to handle, as well). In this way, it really is quite difficult to, but of course, if it is what I want to do, I will need to put some modicum of effort into building the systems that allow me to do it as effortlessly as possible. Even still, there will be a degree of difficulty, and a certain reluctance to do it, in that it will feel like it strips from the almost free form, "stream-of-consciousness" style of writing that the wv has. I don't know if that is good or not, but in a way, I can then say that the improvement to the actual output is benefitted by that amount.
Generally also, I do not put the degree of effort into many things. For instance, I am not shaving at the moment. I haven't shaved for a while, and my facial hair is pretty unkempt. I can't grow a full, proper beard, so it just looks a bit... straggly. I am acting effortlessly, not effortfully.
Even today, I have actually not really done much today. I went out in the garden and was aware that there is a decent bit of work I need to do: for instance, I will need to sort out the berries, pot up the currant, cherry and orange trees, etc. I've a lot to do, even this month, and yet I did not end up getting around to doing it. It's not one, and I've still not done it; instead, I'm in bed, wasting my day away again, and just writing, and watching Visa (first time I've actually ever seen his Youtube videos).
I am also aware that a good part of it is just tiredness, because I barely slept last night. But then, I am currently doing something bad, as opposed to actually pursuing good actions, as in, doing the work! Because if I want things to go well in terms of what happens in the future, I need to act today, now. The whole thing appears to be a sympathy thing for my future self, and to act in a way in the present that benefits my future self, so as to make my life as pleasant and manageable as possible. I think I am doing that somewhat, but in a very slow and overly deliberative way. I think there needs to be a degree of stopping deliberation, and just acting.
I wonder whether a degree of psychological study would benefit me in trying to understand my mind. Then again, I am not sure they exactly help, and I almost thing that the abstractions used in psychology are in a way quite crude and rudimentary, and not exact descriptions, or clear parallels to the things that occur in the mind. For instance, considering the list of pathologies, I feel as if the idea of the pathology is itself wrong, where a pathology is really a correct nature but taken in a correct way or for an incorrect context; for instance, schizophrenia as the bicameral mind, etc. I do not think that the human mind matches in that way to the abstractions of psychology so do not think it will benefit; likewise, I don't believe the abstractions of economics or business to match the world, if that makes sense, and helps to draw the parallel into something that is more widely perceived.
So, I think I understand what I should do today. Of course, work is lengthy and time is limited.
As mentioned, I don't believe that the focus on productivity is helpful for me, and I am going to try and amend my mindset so that I can both be productive, whilst at the same time allowing a downtime, and specifically allowing myself not to be beaten up (by myself) for my own failings. In other words, I am going to try to keep up with what I need whilst *also* maintaining a non-hustle mindset, and trying to do all I can within the means, and not being too strict. The main thing is that I am not to focus specifically on the outcome so much as the process, I suppose, or, well, I was not focussing on the outcome, but I was in a way focussing on the pre-outcome, as in, the outcome of going to the gym thrice weekly, but not the result of that (i.e. muscles). I don't have the words for it, though. I was focussing essentially on getting a healthy streak of doing the guitar as much as I wanted, and only doing guitar so as to meet this goal (as an relative goal, with the terminal goal being improvement in guitar) and so was getting depressed when this didn't happen. I need to direct my focus on the actual here and now, which will then result in the goals being met (potentially) in the same way that the terminal goal is met through the relative goal.
That might be good. I need to just, in the present, take actions that make me feel good in the actual sense (the melatonic sense, not the dopaminergic sense, I think is what it gets called) and the achievement of goals, and the subsequent benefit will then be met gradually. I think that makes sense?
Ok, I'll get to work. Have a good one.