2024-09-15
wow, a second wv today! I actually should be going to bed, I've work and gym tomorrow. I've to pay my brother fifty quid if I don't do the gym, so I know I am not doing good to myself... (the money would go to charity really, but still I don't want to lose it!)
I just want to write quickly. When I think about the future, and the usual proscription of having something to tell your grandchildren, I think: well, is that not limiting to the activities you can do? For instance, if I were to uphaul all that I am currently doing, my work, my savings, and go travel the world, burning through my savings, I'd build countless memories - but I would be doing something arguably irresponsible. Meanwhile, for instance, to abstain from doing too much foreign travel, because of the climate impact, or to responsibly work towards a singular goal does not have the ability to tell anyone about it; it has no conversational value. Likewise, if I were to just practise guitar, even if I were to become good at it, it would have no conversational value in itself; the value would come, for instance, from joining a band and touring about, and generating the memories in that way.
And so, I suppose the realisation from this is that an activity is never worth it in itself; in fact, any act is perhaps only to be valued (for a person) interpersonally... when I was younger, I had a scorn, disdain for the interpersonal, and deemed it and people pursuing such as lower in some way, as if I, by not doing that, was in somewhat a more intelligent creature. It sort of is the attitude of Araragi in early Monogatari series, where he does not want friends because of (a sheerly logical argument) that to have friends would reduce his strength as a person. I had a similar mentality that it was a lower pursuit, sort of the attitude of a monk who looks down upon those sex-havers. Motes and logs is an endless, and timeless, corrective.
In fact, when I look at my writing, I am quite critical of others, and have been more than is good for me. Really, I'm pretty critical of myself too. For instance though, wv 0055 (Cityitism), though expounding a theory that I developed before, and I am not so sure of (or well, it's more that it is likely just a collective term for a set of personality characteristics that I deem to predominate in the city), is a critical theory. It's kind of written in an ugly tone, if that makes sense. I am not really sure on a good tone to adopt, or whether anything that comes from me has a feeling of being corrupted, written in an ugly sense...
Anyways, the title is clickbaity: what I wonder is, what is it that constitutes a story? There are several things to break down here: is it good for an aspect of life to make a story? What is a story? What aspects of life are conducive to narration or retelling? Is an action not retold wasted?
The latter one has a similar kind of feeling to the modern worry that some people, younger, on social media, do not seem to enjoy something happening for its own sake, but rather feel the need to film everything, and share it about, with the idea that if it doesn't capture well on film it was not good/worth it. I'm not really sure on the mindset of other people, so can't really speak about people who film a lot (I don't film much of at all, though I do take pictures when on holiday - I discussed this in a previous wv, 0020 - light years in the past!), but think that probably, there is a similar concern and that I should wonder whether I actually need to retell things. That said, there is also the fact that life *is* about the interpersonal, something I need to learn a bit more about - I'm not scornful of the idea anymore, and in fact am not resentful of myself for deriding it when I was young, and for now not having the kind of social capacity that would be useful.
I think probably it doesn't need to be told. But then, it would be a waste in a way to go out of the way to avoid trying to get the social connection with it, if social matters is to be human...
Hmm. I can't make many words out of this one. I just kind of wanted to get the idea on (metaphorical) paper.
I've made it to 0062, despite running out of ideas at the 6th entry. I guess I can just keep writing, and I will always find the words, even if there are occasional lapses. I don't write anything of use, and of course that is good in a way - I can just get the words on paper and occasionally come up with good things, but generally it is pretty useful. I notice, actually, that I don't really have any new ideas, but really just have those that I had from before. I am pulling from an empty well, of sorts, and there is no water coming up anymore... I'm trying to make the absolute most of the few drops I do get. That is in a way the problem of trying to write a million words with less that a million ideas. Or even a million seconds of thought.
As for future wvs, I think I could explore faults in my person a little more. There are many; it will involve a little bit of thought before I do these, though, and probably should go hand-in-hand with deeper reflection. For instance, my being critical is one that I would like to write about; also how to write in general, and how to practise writing: currently I write uselessly, because I am untrained in a sense.
I also need to figure out a way to deal with the problem of guitar, and that kind of thing, where it seems to fall by the wayside.
I would like to write in Italian a little more, too. I should try to use other languages, at least to try to improve...
I also should try out different systems for trying to improve and manage tasks, although in a way it feels as if I'm on the cusp of one that works... So, I need to separate out the act of receiving a task from processing it, and strive to keep things in a consistent state. I can know then when my work is done, because it all kind of becomes zero... In other words, inbox zero might be the thing that helps me. I have not done the programming problem for a few days, and need to think about what I'm going to do for "unfinished" things that I have no urgency to complete, so they are not really on the backlog, more of a "can do this at my leisure" kind of thing - in terms of things that are urgent would be anything that requires a proper action. That should be done as soon as possible, really.
I think having an end goal like that would also make it easier for me to pick up where I've accumulated a backlog: I know when I'm done, and can just slog through everything until I'm back to inbox zero. Could work? That would probably require using the e-mail inbox (or maybe my gtd inbox and tasks list) as the source of what needs to actually be done. Hmm...
Well, have a good one. I need to go to bed soon.