2024-09-19
It is now late in the evening - well, half eight - and I am testing my ability to write. Clearly, it is not incredible, but such is life; I suppose in the morning I will benefit from not correct the likely multitudinous typos that are going to appear in this (that said, I am correcting the majority as I type) but rather from letting them be, that I may see how different my writing is from when sober when drunk. (Grammatically, that sentence is poor)
I have been to the East India Arms, a pub just outside of Fenchurch Street. It was good; I had three Old Mout ciders (four?), which has gotten me sufficiently drunk that I am not struggling to type. I am not very good at handling alcohol.
In a way, it is strange that, instead of sleeping, the first thing I have thought to do is to turn on my laptop and write a wv. Why is writing such a thing that I am almost inured to do?
It was a small crowd - four, including myself, turned up - ----, ------, and -----. ----- (dash 5) left after a surprisingly short period of time, despite the one who most ardently advocated the drinks to occur; ---- (dash four) in my team and ------ (dash six) in the claims team stayed with me until half eight. We discussed many things of course, and I shan't be particularly obsessed to recount them. It was a good night, in all. I enjoy the social events...
Then, I did drink, and copiously, tonight.
*a crack on the head is just what you get, why? because of what you are...*
*why? because of the things you said, the things you did...*
It was fun, though. I am actually, on the train, quite drunk, and struggling to write. It won't capture in the final product, as I am correcting the errors as I write. Perhaps the capturing of the song lyrics I am currently listening to is an indication of my drunken state?
Is it good to drink? I really am not sure on it. Of course, to be addicted to alcohol, or to have it as a vice, or a crutch, is bad. I do often go out on social events drinking either very little, or not all, and am still able to socialise, though admittedly it is not so fluid as when I do drink. I, as testament to the fact I drink nowadays relatively little, get drunk very easily. Three (or four?) ciders was enough to get me quite drunk, that I am struggling to maintain my faculties; yet before, I could drink this much easily and without much issue. In fact, I used to meet my friends in the local spoons and would drink three drinks (three for five) without much issue at all (as what I would get, alongside chips and curry, before they arrived), yet nowadays three drinks is what I manage over the course of an entire night often.
That is likely a good thing; it means that I am not inured (I like that word, don't I just?) to alcohol, and cannot tolerate it well; in fact, when I, a few weeks (fortnight?) back, decided to drink alone at home, I had a mere five ciders, alongside a shot and a half of sambuca and of kahlua. That got me sufficiently drunk; though I could still walk well afterwards, and in fact read that evening. This evening I engaged in chat, which was very fun.
It was fun, but it will (my being in a drunken stupor - I had to try to respell that word correctly some four times) affect my sleep. This will likely mean gym in the morning is a no-go; and in fact, I will have to go in the evening (which ruins my prospect of a movie night with myself), or, I will have to just suffer the slight hangover and just go to the gym, even if not in an incredible mood. I also need to remember that if I do not go, I will end up owing my brother £50.
Since I've mentioned it, I think the owing my brother money if I fail to do something is a good way forward; but of course, I think I've benefitted from this night out, but know it has damaged my ability to go to the gym. I suppose that is the trade-off when it comes to alcohol. It does allow for an enjoyment that is possible to achieve without it, but more difficult; in return, it takes your next day. But if I have to owe my brother money, I may just try gently at the gym and see what happens. I also want in a way to try to use the existing (if not very good) weights at home, and calisthenics, to improve physically, whilst not requiring the commute to the gym. Then again, I have to remember sleep is the main benefactor of the body in terms of working out, not the exercise itself, and so I must try to always get good sleep; alcohol does not benefit sleep.
Alcohol is a tricky vice, precisely because it does have benefits. Masturbation, to take an example, is ever and always an inferior substitute to real sex, that requires less work. Alcohol is a substitute to real social interaction, but in contrast is equally (if not more) efficacious, and so is more of a challenge in a way. Cigarettes to take the final case are purely negative. In this way, I suppose, the problem is that drinking is not just enjoyable during the act (alcohol tastes good - well, some do at least - and every person disagrees on which some that is) but has at least short term beneficial effects. Really, alcohol is a case of a trade-off, of the morning afterwards for the night before. The short term for the long term, in a way. Yet, the short term can actually be long term beneficial, and is also just pleasant to experience. If vices like cigarettes or masturbation only subtract, alcohol adds as well, which makes the trade off difficult.
Then, the question is: ought I drink? and I think the answer is more complex than socialites or friends bolstering one on to, or health-gurus saying not to. It is a conscious trade off; it is perhaps not a terrible sin to drink at times, and experience that; at the point that it becomes a problem, or alcohol is drunk to excess (throwing up - I've have my fair share of experiences of that) I suppose it is ok? But then, it is good also to affirm that it is an added benefit, not become a necessity.
That said, tonight was good fun. First drink we've had for a while, and though the turnout was low (just four then three), it was a good shout. I appreciate ----- for initiating it, and think we really should have a social chat where we go out for drinks and the like more often. Maybe I could ask HR?
Or, would I have the confidence. Shouldn't I be unabashed about what I want?
Regardless, have a good one. I sure have.