2024-10-15
It is the Tuesday, and so I have really four days after today left. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then the Sunday is just going to be grabbing food and going to the airport. I have essentially squandered today; in fact, realistically, I have spent most of the time here today in the hotel and just essentially wasted the day. Really, I suppose I can say the day is not wasted, especially given that I have managed to read a fair bit, and have written a poem (about how I'm not in a good mood today - I'm going to put a pin in that) and will do my exercises (I will try to get press-ups to >60 and sit-ups to 80 today, which will mean that I have it to a decent number by the end of the holiday: I can reckon with 140 press-ups and 200 sit-ups by the end of the week). In other words, it is not entirely wasted, and I will have had a decent few meals, and generally have gotten through the day. In other words, I don't think the day is wasted.
It goes back to: what is a wasted day? I think that it is difficult to define, and really just comes back to a feeling. I want to be able to define it well, so I can I chastise myself more clearly when I am wasting a day, or know clearly when a day is spent well. For instance, I want to say that I have wasted today, because have I have barely spent time outside. However, I necessarily do need this: I am perhaps recluse by nature, or I need a bit of time to myself, or I am in a poor mood and so need to handle it, however I do that, and so perhaps it is the cost of that. For instance, eating could be considered (by those who don't enjoy eating; I do not fall into that club) as a waste of time, yet it is not. Likewise, for me, staying in the hotel for today is not necessarily a waste of time, as it helps me to recuperate a little, and to get to write.
Like, is it bad that I haven't been going around the city and finding sights to explore? Will it be bad that, when it comes to the end of the holiday, I won't exactly have a long list of things that I have visited? Or is it good enough that I was here, I got something out of it, in terms of learning about the city, deliberating whether I enjoy it, as well as maintaining my usual progression (if progress it indeed is) with the writing and everything else...
I think the day isn't wasted, in that case. Really, I can do whatever I like. There are plenty of people who go to foreign countries, and spend the entire time in an all-included resort, just sitting by a pool and eating the food provided them, and not actually exploring the city. I have explored the city, and in fact a part of what I think the tenderness is that I really have explored the city all I want: there are of course other things to see, but for now I am really done with the city. I think the impression I have made of it is largely accurate, as far as it can be after four days.
In that way, I think I am justified in doing what I am doing. I am going to go to Florence tomorrow, and could actually spend the latter portion of today finding places I could go to in Florence tomorrow. Then, I will wake up early and make sure I get a full day there. For today, again, as long as I get my press-ups, sit-ups, drawing, in, alongside the blog entry, the poem and this wv entry, I suppose I haven't squandered the day entirely. And I had a nice pizza, earlier, and will have a nice dinner.
I notice that all of the poems which I have written (or most, at least) are somewhat depressive in nature. Really, I am writing the poems when I am in a bit of a bad mood, and so they are all kind of a bit... unhappy. I wonder two things. Firstly, should I not try to avoid this? For instance, I should probably try to write more poems when I am far happier, or even in a more middling mood... really, I think that it is partly because, for a little while now, I have not actually had such an overwhelmingly positive mood. I have felt decently happy at times though, for instance as I watched the opera, and yet did not write about that...
I again am not fully sure why I am in such a - well, I don't want to say I'm in a bad mood exactly, but I feel myself tending towards depression a lot more recently. It could well just be winter.
Have a good one.