2024-10-25
I think, there is a slight problem with focussing on my body, and the gym. Now, I am not really particularly buff, and still have a high body fat (probably 30%). I am gaining muscle (fairly slowly) and probably also gaining a little fat: in reality, my weight is staying fairly similar (within a half stone or so) and so I suppose I am making a little of a dent in my fat. Now, I still have, after six months, not made huge gains, and still have a fat stomach, which is the thing I really dislike... see, if I were thinner, and had a bit of muscle with it I'd be happy. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm not particularly into the idea of becoming "jacked", but of course I still do want to get into a good shape. I think for the next while, I need to focus on a calorie deficit, high-protein (so as not to lose muscle), and lose the fat I've got whilst also trying to keep gaining muscle/keeping it stable and get "lean" in that way. I think it would be good if I could actually get better measured... Like, know what my body fat percentage is.
Anyways...
This whole enterprise focusses on the body. Is that good? Not? I don't know. The body is important, of course, but there are many concerns. I am interested in getting in a body that is attractive, and generally focussing on improving myself, but know that it is not the best endeavour to try. For instance, I also need to focus on my confidence, conversation, and that sort of thing, in terms of the correction to the "social malaise" that the gym is partway for. Also, in terms of my health, I also need to focus on getting lean, but also better counting my calories, ensuring I stay consistently on a more low-carb diet, and other things like that. Exercise as well (in the sense of, going out for more walks and bike rides) will really help.
Essentially, body wise, I want to lose fat (and gain a little muscle). I want to be at probably 15% fat.
But, the strange is that I am focussing so much on muscle. I am not actually going to the gym as much as I would like, but also I think I need to focus more elsewhere. I am still doing the /thousands, and need to sort out my banks, etc.
I think I need to look to actually try make proper progress. Like, actually get to where I want, as opposed to just sort of hoping. I am sort of drifting through life, and still getting things done, but not actually trying my best to really make progress specifically, and not fully measuring or tracking.
I can lose weight, definitely quite easily. If I keep my protein and my gym going up, and make sure to maintain that kind of practice, I can easily lose 1 pound per week. Now, I'm going to do some maths here that is probably wrong.
If I have 30% fat by body mass and I weight 11 stone, then I have on my body about 45 pounds of fat. I want to lose this fat, and get down to about let's say 15%. In this case, I have 22 pounds of fat to lose; at 1lb per week (reasonable), I can lose this in 22 weeks, or five months of concerted effort. I will get to 10 1/2 stone all in all.
To lose a pound per week, I need a 3500 kcal deficit per week, which is 500 per day.
Then, I can plan the actually diet I eat: I should allow any and all veg and fruit and not bother counting them (too much hassle, not bad enough) but only count fat (usually from oil) and protein. Or, perhaps just sort of eyeball protein and fat, go to the gym regularly and don't bother counting at all. I really don't want to have to count calories at all. I think this makes sense if that is my goal.
Really, I want to see a certain progress: in my body firstly, but also generally in life. For this, I am generally changing my habits, and am hoping that over time I will get to the direction I want to go.
But I know the body is only one part. I'm still not sure why I'm focusing on my body. Part of it is a low self-esteem, I suppose, and the thought of wanting a good body. I won't lie, this is really to look attractive to other people, and I am disappointing when I can't see the gains I've made (e.g. a certain shirt of mine that doesn't make me look good with the gains I've made) through the eyes of others (e.g. in a mirror). At the same time, I think that is potentially a sort of "terminal goal" similarly to how maybe the human terminal goal is to reproduce, but the instrumental goal that is actually important to human life is to follow pleasure. Similarly, I think the instrumental goal that is actually motivating me is my own approval. To look attractive to myself. To overcome my own struggles. It's a bit difficult in terms of separating out concerns, as I think that in a way both concerns for appearance to others, and the concern I have to better myself, are intertwined in a way. The one that matters most to me in my everyday life though is my own concerns.
But does it matter? Could I just be... happy with myself? I could, but potentially that won't get me in a good physical shape, and be more healthy. Health is the main thing that matters, more than look. I think that the fact that look and health intersect (up to a point) is the ideal; there is a point that is healthy and attractive, and a point where there is an excess: I really don't want to end up unhealthy, and health is good end point. There is a sort of "healthy intersection" for many different concerns.
Well, that was just rambling. Utterly useless.
Have a good one.