2025-01-11
tags: none
Words: 1488 (6 minutes to read)
I can permit myself a ramble in wv; in the blog I try to ramble less though have done so a few times. I am still really undecided what wv ought be; in reality, I've almost stopped writing it, since I've only managed to write three in several months. This is I suppose because I've been busy with other things, and because the blog is now where I mostly write. That isn't a bad thing, it is just a change.
I am trying to change and to improve my habits. As a result, I have the guitar, I have the home gym (well, set of dumbells), the mandolin, the Hobonichi to plan my days, etc. Basically, I feel as if I have improved, and am improving or will improve due to the new routine (if I follow it over several years, I suppose). However, I am not sure on my exact actions, and what exactly I am to do or not do.
For example, I have for several days this week made little progress on my guitar and mando. I have practised actually only twice in the whole week. The reason why, is that I have had work, and most of the evenings during the week I have been working late. Work is actually quite stressful and busy at the moment, where it seems like everything is on a deadline (it's literally fake work. The boss wants us to get it done by a certain deadline so he can show off to upper management and probably reap his bonus. Our bonus will be a fraction of his, almost certainly, despite us being the ones to do the work. Rant aside) and I am always quite behind on things, not to mention always given other work to do. It is quite difficult to manage, and I'm not really sure how I can, if I am honest. I may have to put up with the fact that working late is inevitable when you have been at a company for a few years. That is what is expected, and not doing so leads to a poor performance review (what? you didn't manage to do ten hours of work in your eight hour day? disgrace!) and so to repercussions. I thought I said rant aside.
My sleep has still been a problem, and really I might just have to discipline™ my way out of it, because otherwise I will just get up late every day except the days where, owing to work, I have to. I have been doing skipping a bit more, but not ten minutes (because I found out that was impossible without hurting myself) and not every day. In terms of gym I am largely keeping up with the expectation of 100 sets per month, but only keeping up, not exceeding. I'm largely on track to read my two books this month, too. I've upped my studying of RHS but don't feel it is enough. And really the knowledge just doesn't stick in there well.
So, what I'm trying to say is. I'm trying to improve, but I do still have problems. Further, I also have days where I rest. At times, I sit about for an hour or two and relax or lose myself in (generally wayward) thoughts. I like doing this, as it affords me a chance to sort of decompress, but i do worry about not making sufficient progress on all my goals. See, I really want to do well, and I suppose im a little impatient because I think that I can make good progress this year - realistically, anything worthwhile is years away yet. for instance, in terms of guitar, i have not really got to a decent standpoint at all, and doing so will take years. in terms of reading, it doesnt really progress me anywhere at all. mando is the same as guitar. if i start violin, that too. gym will take a long time, though i can see gains as i do it, but it will still require a commitment over several years. basically, everything is a project that will last me until im five hundred and ten. i cant just be happy with the current situation at all; instead, im trying to be good, and not able to.
its a deficiency of character (mind the lack of caps, i want to write a bit quicker and constantly checking caps is a hassle) which means that i dont feel content in myself; i cant feel content just by playing guitar, instead i want it to be good. im not happy with my body, so i want to be thinner, more muscular, stronger, fitter, etc. just today, my mum was pointing out how i seem to still have arrythmias: i actually should chat with the GP about that. my nails are still in a not-so-fantastic state, and whilst i no longer bite them (because im trying to grow them out) i am picking at them a bit now, which i am not sure whether it stunts their growth at all. i wonder if im just being a bit impatient though. for instance, i do feel like im bad at the mandolin, but ive only been playing it for a month, and probably not halfway that long if we factor in that i havent played it most days (maybe 30% of days i have, in all). same for guitar, except that i have played it more in the past too. violin i havent played since i was a child, in fairness; i will be like a beginner, even though i do technically have grade one. gym i am definitely more muscular than i was, but i am still fairly small. i feel as if everything is in a constant state of work-in-progress. i have little i can point to and say, clearly, that is in a good way. its a problem i think i have a lot: lots at once, lots in progress, little actually good.
so, what do. well, i probably do have to just be patient. like, if i want to be good at guitar, that wont happen after however many times ive played it so far. (28 times since 2024-06-24 - not many, basically). like with the gym, i will really only see gains after say, 40 times, or 80, or 120, or 200. it takes a long time to get good at something, which i sort of neglect and just want everything to be perfect, now. i have to have more patience. mandolin i have not made progress with (i dont feel) and ive practised every other day for exactly a month today. if i kept that up for say, six months, or a year, then i will see good progress. the aim of the schedule that i am making is that i will keep it up over many months, so that i can actually make progress. key in that is not to change my concerns too many times: for instance, it is fine me adding violin as a side concern, but i have to treat it as on the side, otherwise i wont make the kind of progress i want with other things. likewise, gym must be a constant concern, where i every month get my 100 sets (which is probably not even enough, but its a decent minimum bar). sustained effort over many months and years will get me where i want to be. so with that said, what about the relaxing, and the bad habits, etc. that i have mentioned in the title?
i would say, bad habits are acceptable so long as they do not interfere with the good habits. ive set minimum bars for some of these, so for example i must meet the minimum of 100 sets per month in terms of gym. likewise, two books per month is a minimum. i probably should do the same for guitar and mando in putting minimum amounts per month. id actually benefit from doing this for skipping as well (like, minimum 3m per day, but up it to 4m, 5m, 6m etc. over each month - these are absolute minimums that i have to meet.
an idea is to have the amount i should have for each concern in each day be easily calculable for a given month, then I can see easily where i am behind. if it is on the 10th day of the month, and ive only done 20 sets, i know im behind because my bare minimum is 33 at that point. this seems to make sense as an idea.
ok, ive sort of got it then. as long as i make my minimums, relaxing or messing up a bit is ok. i can adjust the minimums over time too, either as my ability changes, or as i realise that the minimums were actually too low. perhaps that is a way to do it. over the course of a month, not a week - because i need it to be over a long period of time so i have the excuse of having had a busy week, needing to work late, etc. which does happen.
ok, that sort of makes sense.
have a good one.