2024-12-26
tags: none
Words: 535 (2 minutes to read)
(This is entry 54 of #100DaysToOffload)
I've been speed-dating the past month or two. I've only been a couple of times, yet the conversation always seems to end up the same way each time. I ask, or I am asked by the other person, either a) what I do for work, or b) what I have for hobbies. The usual "so, what do you do in your spare time?", smalltalk.
The job thing I can... sort of answer. I just say what I do for work, and it never really goes anywhere because my job is not all that interesting. Yet, hobbies sort of is more difficult for me.
Now, I certainly do have hobbies. The problem is, all of them require, in my eyes, some form of qualification. For instance, I like languages. I learnt German starting at about eleven, then began Norwegian and Polish, then started to learn Japanese. At present, I want to learn Italian. Yet, if I'm asked that and I can't really qualify so much, and say that, though it still something I value, I am not really focussing on it at the moment, and that I'm focussing more on my study, or guitar, and I got mandolin recently and I'm focussing on that, but I'm still not very good at them, and... and...
I'm actually not sure at all what I say in this situation. I settled on the themes as a way to have things that I can clearly state as my hobbies. I can say, I'm taking up playing guitar, and mandolin, as my hobby, which gives me a quick thing to say that starts conversation and I can continue from there with any necessary disclaimers, etc.
Really, the reason why I want to have an optimal answer is that I don't want to lie. I want the optimal answer that discloses as much as possible without lying to my interlocutor. But does it really matter if I lie a little bit?
I suppose, in the context of speed dating, I will later make true on my lie by being able to talk to the person more (if things pan out) or if they don't I tell a lie that is "inert", as in, it doesn't really matter if I lie a little to someone who I'll never see again. Also, I need to remember that "I play guitar" is not really a lie, it's the truth; I'm just not very good at guitar.
I wrote about social malaise in my blog post about next year, as well as in wv 0096. Social malaise is the name I give to what amounts to social anxiety, or just good old awkwardness, clumsiness around people. Perhaps this is all just another instance of this, where I am overthinking whether I should be too honest, or what I can say to people when I get asked questions. I probably shouldn't overthink it.
I'm probably overthinking it. The blog was spurred on by seeing a video that people feel nowadays they can't speak so much about their interests, and I am of course struggling, not exactly with feeling like I can, but not being sure how best to express my interests (without rambling or over-qualifying).